I am listening to music as we speak.
Right now my passionate side is poking through.
I divide myself into two coexisting entities.
The Passionate One.
The Logical One.
Normally, when I am happy or at least somewhat satisfied with my social standing, I am the Logical One.
Tonight, everyone has other plans, so I am writing to an empty space with no face or sympathy.
I don’t need sympathy though.
I just need some kind of outlet.
Physical activity works as well.
The guy I wanted to see tonight is high and driving around without me.
This guy is not my boyfriend however.
Two separate people.
I have been with my boyfriend for three years and most people on first look would label us as a stable and happy couple who only fights every now and then constantly kissing and whispering quaint compliments into the other one’s ear.
Not even close.
I am sure many couples are like this, aware of the distance between how they really are and how they appear to others, but this is a special circumstance.
Only I am the one who is aware.
He has no idea I am not happy.
Hell, he has no idea what I really think.
Whenever my true thoughts stumble out of my mouth, I have to spend hours attempting to assure him that it was a silly thought with absolutely no bearing on my real feelings.