Please make this go away.

I don’t want this to affect me anymore.

It has been 4 years.

4 fucking years and sometimes I have to pull away from people because they talk like him or act like him.

Sometimes I have to leave the room because they unknowingly repeat something he said.

“I want to kiss you all over.”

In normal situations, that line seems sweet.

But said to me, that line is nothing but the beginning of another night filled with terrifying silence.

No one warns you about what it feels like to go through that.

No one tells you how deafening your own silence is.

No one tells you that no matter how loud you scream in your head, no noise will reach his ears.

No one tells you how quickly your world can be crumbled.

It feels like death.

Only you can hear everything.

You can feel everything.

In reality, it is far worse than death.


Let this feeling go away.

Let me be free from my past.

I don’t want to be shackled to him anymore.

I don’t want him to hold any power over me.

I don’t want to wake up choking on the words I never said.


Let me breathe.


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